mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
