I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
