also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
