I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i've created a new STD.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize