he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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