At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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