Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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