I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
