Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
