Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
