Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
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