His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
