Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
