A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
