She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
