I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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