Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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