i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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