The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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