You just made me feel so damn special
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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