My brain says no but my pants say off.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
