I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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