i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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