Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
