i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
