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It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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