Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
