..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
