don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
high people should be assigned attendants
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
