it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
