We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
