I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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