I showed him my bush... on skype.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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