Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
