dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
