and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
