how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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