there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
