I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
