oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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