just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
