I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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