I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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