I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
