I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
