Pappa wants mamma naked
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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