This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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