it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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