just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
