In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
