yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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