I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
its liver damage thursday
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
