i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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