His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize