I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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