i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
