You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
