She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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