You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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