It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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