One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
