I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
