So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize