yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
