it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
